In you, Lord, I have taken refuge – Psalm 31:1
I spent much of 2024 stressed and stretched. It sent my habit of overthinking into overtime and hyper drive. While everything appeared normal, the inside of my skull reverberated with noise. My brain constantly formulated to-do lists and ran down “What if?” scenarios. The noise was relentless. It was so loud, I was shocked that others couldn’t hear it echoing out of my ears.
It robbed me of much joy.
The reverberating noise of 2024 created a few bad habits. Seemingly tame and innocent, but destructive. I countered the noise in my head with more noise. Moments of silence had to be covered up with activity. It became worse at night. Laying my head upon the pillow became a switch for my brain to jump into action. It’s was deafening. As a remedy, an earbud went into my ear. Podcasts and vintage albums slowly drifted me to sleep.
The New Year has me in pursuit of silence. I want the reverberating noise to be replaced by stillness before the Lord. Stillness is the fertile ground where we find God already waiting for us and willing to draw us closer.
The earbud was a bandaid slapped on a symptom. Of course, it didn’t work. There were issues with overwork, overcommitment, and people pleasing. But at the core, my issue was taking refuge in things which could never provide that for which I longed.
Michael Jordan, the G.O.A.T. of basketball, concluded his NBA Hall of Fame speech by saying, “The game of basketball has been everything to me – my refuge, my place I’ve always gone when I needed to find comfort and peace.“ Jordan used the metaphor of the Psalms to depict his relationship to the game. On the hardwood he found emotional and psychological stability.*
I’ve never tried to find comfort and peace in basketball – but I’ve tried other places and things. They’ve all proved to be poor gods. John Calvin famously wrote that the heart of man is “a perpetual factory of idols.”
In stillness before the Lord, I find him to be Creator, Sustainer, Provider, and Redeemer.
But I trust in you, Lord;
I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in your hands;
deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
from those who pursue me.
Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love. – Psalm 31:14-16
* I took the Michael Jordan Hall of Fame speech thought from “In the Lord I take Refuge: 150 Daily Devotions through the Psalms” by Dane Ortlund. I highly recommend.
Jeff Gravens 
You always seem so centered and calm. But I too have “ear worms” that keep me awake. I am also trying to learn to lean into God in the silence. Thank you for sharing this.
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